19 December 2011

Mayhem from mommies

You'd think pregnant women would be every restaurateur's favourite patrons.

They eat a lot, don't stay long (because their backs get sore and they need wees), and are likely to be serenely pleasant - because they know that, soon, they won't be eating out much at all.

Not so.

My sources tell me that preggies are the worst. Rude, dismissive and capable of one of the most dreadful acts I've heard of since beginning the research for this blog.

Here goes... (Note: If you've just eaten and you've a sensitive stomach, come back later. Please.)

Two ladies-who-lunch visited a popular suburban lunch spot. One had a littlie, aged 18 months or so. The other was pregnant. VERY. En route to their table, the preggie slapped her hand to her mouth, looked briefly green and then leaned over and, um, like, vomited.

On a nearby table.

Now, I've been pregnant. And if I were sufficiently unfortunate to have this happen to me, I'd be hugely apologetic and shamefacedly request a bucket of boiling water and a lappie. I'd also offer to pay for a new lappie, and possibly a new tablecloth, and I'd leave, tail between fat legs, to continue puking in private.

What I wouldn't do is wipe my mouth, lift my head and snottily request that an innocent waiter/bystander sort out the mess. With the words (I shit you not), 'Don't you people clean?' I also wouldn't take a seat - at another table, obviously - and then not wash out my mouth or brush my teeth for the next hour or so.

This story gets worse.

But I don't have the stomach to tell you what happened next. So I'll save it for next time. Bon appetit.


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